Nesy
(Literary discovery)
You must
have noticed her. She often sits in the yard of the Lomisy st. George church,
in Gldany. Even if she never had that short skirt on, you would sit beside her
and tell her: “I must have met you somewhere”, she would smile (her back teeth
rotten), put her hand on your knee and tell you that you were a scoundrel. Then
you would eat some popcorn and when you get tired of talking you would go to
her place. She lives in Gldany, in a rented room which is often visited by
guests like you. On entering the room (for the first time) you’re surprised to
see a man lying on the bed, but the man leaves silently. If you stay there for the
night, you’ll hear him sneak into a tiny kitchen and sleep on the sofa. You may
ask Nesy who he is and she’ll reply: My ex-lover!
Then you learn that once he was on addict, then he
gave up drugs and became alcoholist an alcoholic. But the condition of his
liver is so bad that he spits blood. He has gone lame in a car accident and has
got a wooden or plastic leg.
When Nesy’s speaking about all these, you think she’s
complaining. You reach for your trousers, take some money out and put on the
bedside. She looks at you with a really crossed face. – Pick them up! – she says
and get up “I’m leaving, you can stay if you wish!” You don’t stay of course,
and she goes to work.
Nesy works in a booth. She’s paid four laris[1]
a day, but she earns up to eight. The owner of the shop is content as she has
many clients. Though, to be on the safe side. But at the end of the day he
threatens to kick her out, just to ensure she stays loyal (but the aim of the
threat is clear to Nesy and she listens the humiliating words silently).
The eight laris are not enough – she has to take care
of the lame, his old aunt, herself and few others like you, who ask money from
her. But in spite of all this, Nesy never takes money for love.
And maybe that’s why we are so many. Girls like Nesy
are so boring, for she’s not so active in bed. She is sleepy: the very moment
she lies beside you she falls asleep so soon that you think she is ill. If you
know her well enough you may feel sorry for her and won’t wake her up. If not –
you’ll nudge her, lie over her once more and if you’re also a little
hot-tempered you’ll make her talk all the time. And she’ll talk, maybe
nonsense, but still she’ll talk and then you’ll fall asleep.
Very early in the morning Nesy’s gone. There’s a
letter on the beside for you: “You’re wonderful” and she’s gone. You’ll be
pleased (if you don’t know that she tells this to everybody) and look around
with pride. At first a cruel thought may cross your mind and you may turn the
room upside down looking for a valuable thing, but you’ll never repeat such a
thing, on the contrary you may put some money in a corner and leave. But one thing
is inevitable – you’ll love this bed.
Though it is an ordinary bed. An old iron bed, with
springs and there is not even a mattress on it.
A
Pause
I had no intention to write this passage until the
very last moment, when a friend of mine – Sofiko told me the truth straight to
my face. But still I’ll try to be less frank:
So, my illness began (I can’t quite call it an
illness, my psychologist calls it nervous breakdown) about two years ago, when
I was given the shoes. The shoes were quite good (I still keep them as a proof)
made in the west Europe by some well-known firm. It was worn a little, and
though it was in a pretty good condition, there still was one thing that had
been hurting my feet for two or three months (until I had got used to
them). Previous owner of the shoes wore the heels out from inside; as for me I
wear them out from outside. This was what had hurt my feet, and in addition to
the fact that I began to wear heels out from inside, some other changes took
place within me.
Change I: - my nose was bent to the left, now it is
bent to the right.
Change II: - my face and body acquired rounded forms,
I often spit.
Change III: - I used to sit on the left side in a
taxi, now I sit on the right side.
Change IV: - it gives me much pleasure to get dirty
and then bathe. Sometimes I go to the yard, roll in the mud and then bathe.
Change V: - Mother became cleaner to me than Father. I
try not to think about him, as if he were invented…
Change VI: - I began to pray to the womanly icons.
Change VII and the most important: - I’ll speak about
it in details.
I used to be very particular about food (and women as
well) but such an attitude towards the fair sex has changed in a strange way. I
get excited just by the sight at a woman, even dirty and ugly, wearing good
clothes and jewelry, driving a good car: and I’m excited until I cease watching
her or until I satisfy my desire. This change resulted in the fact that I
partially broke up with my old partners and began to look for new sexual
objects. In addition to all these I discovered that the matter turns out to be
more spiritual than I considered it to be, and everything sublime, even Art is
fictitious and nonentity, for the artists are the most materialists of all.
What is the truth than? – The truth is what your mind
can reach, or that, what is true for your mind, as the truth is made up by
someone else’s mind. So, I decided to give up cheapest and masked form of
materialism: writing, and earn money in some other way. I discovered that a
scientific mind is much more sound than a mystically and transcendentally
working brain. Even the religion can’t ignore the matter, for our ideology –
the ideology of the earth, can’t reach the super sensual without images.
Accordingly, men created sacred images in order to stealthily worship the
matter, or because the sacred image is the materialistic manifestation of the
God. So, the conclusion is that mater (lat. mother) ialistic and idealistic ideologies
are the same, and the both aren’t higher than an ordinary apple tree.
My mini dossier.
I was born in the year of the Aries (Ram) on the 25th
of June, in Tbilisi. I haven’t had any serious trauma in my childhood. I am the
only son in my family. I study finances at the University.
According to my psychologist I have the last phase of
the megalomania. I’m prone to the suicidal act, alcohol, drugs. I have
sharpened desire of getting pleasure. I am highly emotional.
So, this is the passage I didn’t want to write.
Part II
An old friend of mine – Valeri called at me when I was
hanging about in the street spitting, talking about cars and women and dreaming
of being rich. We had some beer and vodka and as we grew drunk we longed for women.
Valeri said he knew one who would give it to us without any problem and even
give us some money if we asked.
– But I think you won’t find her very attractive, she
isn’t so…
I said I’d sleep even with a monster if he gave me
money and we set off. The door was opened by a lame who showed us in. As we sat
down Nesy appeared. She was a little thin girl, about twenty-two years old. She
had so much make up on her face, that I couldn’t make out whether she was ugly
or not. So, I signed to Valeri she would do.
Valeri introduced me to them; he told the lame I had
to talk over with Nesy. He turned to Nesy and asked: “When shall I come back?”
Nesy looked at me.
–
In
about two hours, I think!.. – I said and looked at Valeri standing in the door.
–
I’ll
park the car! – He said and left.
When he was back I already knew her quite well. Then I
waited for him.
When they came out Valeri asked her how did she like
me. Nesy said she liked me very much.
–
You
always do! – smiled Valeri.
–
Then
why do you ask? – Nesy smiled too and left the room to make coffee.
–
Hey,
Val, who’s that lame?
–
Nobody,
Nesy keeps him.
–
Isn’t
he her husband?
–
I
don’t know. Maybe he is. She says he isn’t. He has no problems… Did you like
her?
–
No…
but…
–
Nesy
came back.
–
Nesy
do you still work?
–
Yes,
at night.
–
The
same place?
–
No,
now I’m around here, near the underground.
–
Are
you going to move out?
–
From
the flat?
–
Yes.
–
I
don’t want to… if the neighbors won’t lodge a complaint against me…
–
What
do they want?
–
They
don’t like my guests…
–
Phone
me if you move out, O.K.? Do you have my number?
–
Yes.
–
Phone
me!..
–
O.K.
but I’m not going anywhere yet.
–
Here…
Gurami likes you, he’ll come sometimes.
–
Really?
I’m very glad!
Before leaving Valeri borrowed from her two laris for
the petrol and we left.
–
She
has given me about hundred laris in this way… and she never asks them back!...
She’s so silly, but she’s so kind! She’s a whore, but she’s kind… and she never
takes money.
–
Give
her hundred laris and you’ll se if she won’t take!
–
She’s
often offered money… not hundreds of course, but she never takes…
–
And
what about presents?
–
Presents?..
maybe… once I bought her a cheap perfume… she was so happy as though it were a
“Dior”… And she still keeps remembering it: “The perfume you bought for me”…
–
Hey,
don’t you think she’s a little crazy?
–
I
don’t know… why, did you notice anything?
–
Bo,
nothing. She sucks. Couldn’t she have learnt anything, she has had so many men?!..
She was lying like a dead.
–
Yes,
she’s like that.
–
She’s
so young and already so spoiled… She’ll never get married.
–
Huh…
Do you remember Irakli’s cousin, Kwicha… we once brought him to her. She was
his first woman and he fell in love with her! He wanted to marry her!... Thank
God, she turned him down herself… He was crazy about her…
–
Yes,
she can find an asshole like him…
After two or three days I called at. Nesy’s by myself.
The lame wasn’t home and she opened the door herself. She was glad to see me.
She was eating fried potatoes. I was hungry too, but I couldn’t eat with her and
I just sat with her in the kitchen. She ate slowly humming a melody and looking
out of the window. I wanted to have a cup of water but I tipped the pan with potatoes
over. The potatoes scattered on the floor. Nesy knelt, gathered them on her
plate and went on eating. I hated her at the moment and called her names. She
didn’t say a word, ate her potatoes in silence, cleared the table and went into
the room. After a while I followed her. She was sitting on the floor listening
to the radio.
I stripped her. She wouldn’t resist. Then she said she
would have a bath.
–
You
needn’t,-I said,-I want you dirty as you are! She shrugged her shoulders.
–
Simply
I fell like a virgin after a bath, - she said and lay down. She was humming the
same melody. But I didn’t say anything.
She was drying her hair when I woke up. She looked
better without make up. Her lips were pale, her eyes – green. She looked like a
little girl after a bath. I hugged her.
–
Why
are you a whore? – I murmured smelling her.
–
I’m
not a whore… I’m just of this kind!... she would answer.
–
You’re
a whore! An awful whore… and you don’t take money?!..
–
I’m
not… I’m just of this kind…
Suddenly I was sorry for her and I hated her because
she was really of this kind. I stopped hugging her and undressed her. She was
really like a virgin, like a virgin without blood.
–
What
have you done, did you take an alum bath? I asked and she closed her eyes. I
understood she wanted to sleep and let her alone.
While she was sleeping I bought some chocolate and
brandy and watched a film. She slept smiling, very quietly. She slept for three
hours. At last I got tired and woke her up. I brought her the chocolate and
brandy in bed. I thought she would be pleased, but she didn’t express anything.
–
Let’s
have some brandy.
–
I
don’t drink alcohol.
–
You
will!
–
O.K.
but I may get sick!
She got up. She was frying potatoes when two boys
called her from the yard. Nesy went down. I watched her from the window. They
talked, then the boys began to argue. I spitted and turned away from the
window. Nesy didn’t come back. I went down. The boys and Nesy were gone.
She went with them. I thought and went back. I was
awfully insulted by her behavior. What
could I do?
At first I searched for anything valuable in the room.
I found nothing. Then I decided to lock the room and leave her homeless. I was
about to leave when the lame came.
– Hello, is Nesy home? – he asked, went into the
kitchen, ate my potatoes, my chocolate and drank my brandy. This made me go
mad. I began to quarrel with him, but he answered me very quietly, went into
the room and fell asleep.
I waited for Nesy an hour and then I left. After three
days I called at her again. She didn’t hide why she left with the boys:
–
What
could I do?! They asked me to and I just couldn’t turn them down, and I thought
you didn’t want me.
I got into a rage and began to swear at her. She
wouldn’t answer. It drove me mad and I hit her. She began crying and ran into
the bathroom. In half an hour she cameout and said she was sorry. She had
bathed and was like a virgin.
–
You’re
a whore!
–
No,
I’m not a whore. I’m just of this kind.
I came to Nesy everyday, sometimes twice a day. I
didn’t ask her for money.
I got used to the lame. I slept with Nesy even in his
presence. He watched us very as if we were just playing chess.
–
After
the car accident he’s an impotent – Nesy said.
–
Why
does he live with you?
–
He
was my lover, after the car crash he’s unable to work… and he has got an old
aunt, we take care of her.
–
You
take care of her!
–
Yes.
–
Why
does he stay here?
–
I
have no idea. He stayed one night and after that he stays here every night. But
here’s no problem, he’ll go if I ask.
–
And
do you earn enough to keep this beggar and his aunt?
–
His
not a beggar, I just help him… I have seven laris a day and we make the
both ends meet!
–
You
are insane!
–
Why?!
–
Why?!..
you keep a lame impotent and his aunt! What for?!
–
Why?
Wouldn’t I help you if you asked me?
–
Me!
It’s not the same. I’m your lover!
–
There
are many others as well… but I have no problems.
After that day I began to ask her for money. I took
from her two or three laris everyday, collected them and bought her flowers and
perfume on her birthday. She was overwhelmed. She placed the flowers in several vases. As
for the perfume, she took it on the birthday party of her neighbor the next
day. She guessed I was hurt. She apologized and everything was settled. Once I
asked her: We never use condoms. Don’t
you get pregnant?
–
No,
I don’t and I’ll never do.
By and by I got used to eating slowly. We would sit at
the table and eat as a slowly as we could, her face a bit funny and very
serious at the same time. But she was never active in bed.
Then I discovered a huge scar on her back.
–
What
is this?
–
We
were born with this scar, my sister and I.
So, I learnt that she had a twin sister, but:
–
We
are sisters by father.
–
But
how? Then you can’t be twins?!
Nesy laughed: – Nobody understands and I won’t
explain!
She said her twin sister was a nun and she lived in a
convent with her little son.
–
The
boy is a little mystery of our family. Some time I’ll become a nun too…
Suddenly I realized who she was. I got furious and
cried out: How dare you! You are a whore!
I got furious and cried out: How dare you! You are a
whore!
–
I’m
not a whore; I’m just of this kind! – she said very calmly and turned away.
–
Listen,
Nesy, few years will pass and you’ll become old and ugly.
–
I
know I’ll grow old. What do you mean?
–
You’re
a whore. Why don’t you earn money by it? You’ll have enough to live properly
and reserve some money for the future. Can’t you use your damned body that
won’t last long?! Can’t you rest at night?! And why do you give money to
beggars like me?! You’re insane! There’s something wrong with you!
–
What
can I do? I’m just of this kind.
And I began to investigate why she was “of this kind”.
I read lots of books, spoke to lots of people, but I couldn’t get the answer.
There were several versions that seemed to me reasonable.
Version I
Psychotherapeutic
school “Mencary” I.F.
What is prostitution? It is a well-known fact that a
prostitute doesn’t get pleasure from a sexual act. Such degradation of feelings
is explained by their “Profession”. This is not right. They become prostitutes
because they are frigid. They hate sexual act. They perceive it as a “bad”,
“filthy” behavior. They gain inferiority complex. This complex (unconsciously)
needs to be satisfied – to be recovered. One of the ways of recovering from it
is to ignore it, to prove that she is not inferior; on the contrary she is
wanted, beloved.
The version that poverty makes women become
prostitutes is very easy to deny. So that it is not even worth of talking
about.
Our example is easily explainable: a human being has a
certain portion of the inferiority complex + a fear of sexual life. If the
inferiority complex predominates the fear, we’ll have women like Nesy. Such a women
will have sexual life, but she /they/ will never be content by one partner. But
if the fear prevails over the complex such a woman /women/ will never have sexual
life…
… As for fears, they usually come from childhood…
Version II
Givi
Alaznispireli (esoteric)
I’ll add several words about the features of a body
rich in holy soul. Firstly, they are very emotional. They are not earnest (or
they try to be), they love joy, laugh, humor, they have exaggerated sense of
joy or sorrow. No doubt there is an opposite field of the holy soul in them as
well, and this fact accounts for their paradoxical cognition and even
subordination, which may turn out to be the way to cognize the truth.
A very important feature of such people is their
ability to give something away: money, food, clothes… This ability refers not
only to things but to their body as well. It is easy for these women to get
naked before strangers. Such a behavior is due to the increased
conductivity of the field surrounding her. These women easily adapt themselves
to sexual intercourse with strangers – as though it doesn’t matter. They try to
get spiritual satisfaction in this way, though very often they can’t achieve
it, for it can’t be equal to spiritual satisfaction. In this case sexual
intercourse is just an attempt to satisfy their subconscious desires. Poor
women, I used to blame them, (though I don’t mean to justify prostitutes).
Version III
My friend’s interview
with a (23 years old) girl
–
When
did you have sexual intercourse for the first time?
–
When
I was 18. It was summer. A friend of mine acquainted me with a 30 year-old
handsome man. And one evening, after a joyride in his car I had sex with him,
just from the curiosity.
–
What
did you feel?
–
Nothing
but pain. I have never seen that man again. After half a year another friend
acquainted me with his neighbor. He was 20. He rented a room in Tbilisi. I fell
in love with him. We’d been dating for a year. Then he returned to his home
town. I was too hurt and I made a decision to never fall in love. In a couple
of months I had sex with his friend! (a pause) I just took vengeance on my
ex-boyfriend.
–
Didn’t
you have it on you conscience?
–
No,
I didn’t. I was insulted. After few months I got acquainted with a 35-year-old
man, married and rich. He gave me a ride… and I … had sex with him.
–
How
many times did you meet him?
–
Three
times. He would take me to a restaurant, then we would do it in the car.
–
Why
do you behave so? Is it for money?
-
No,
it’s not money. I just want it so. I’m happy when I’m noticed, regarded as a
woman.
–
How
many men have you had for the last five years?
–
About
12. I have normal relationships with all of them.
–
Do
you feel orgasm?
–
No,
I never do. I enjoy the process.
–
Have
you ever had an aged lover?
–
Yes,
he was 53. I enjoyed being with him.
–
Aren’t
you sick and tired of doing it in cars or bushes?
–
Yes,
but I even like it somehow, besides men don’t like to waste money on hotels.
–
Have
you even thought of getting married?
–
I
used to think about it… but now I don’t.
–
Do
you leave men yourself?
–
No,
they leave me. After getting what they wanted they don’t call me.
Version IV
My psychologist thinks that:
Nesy has got an Electra complex and she tries to
sublimate it by prostitution. The existence of the complex is revealed through
the fact that Nesy stresses her being “a father’s girl”, besides Nesy has some
symptoms of schizophrenia, it is proved by her strange speeches about her twin
sister and her, and their being sisters by father (she ignores mother). How can
twins have different mothers?!
The fact that Nesy doesn’t take money is very easy to
explain: For Nesy every man is her father (i.e. Nesy seeks for father among
you, but in vain), she will serve men (father) free of charge, unlike other
women (mother).
Version V
An opinion of a
man good at numerology
Of course, I can’t be sure that my opinion is right,
but Numerology can give a description of Nesy’s way of life, her personality
and character. You say that her name is Nesy, and it is made up by herself. Her
full name is Nestani. Let’s try do decipher the both names:
|
1
|
2
|
3
|
4
|
5
|
6
|
7
|
|
N
|
E
|
S
|
T
|
A
|
N
|
I
|
Let’s add the numbers up. It’s 33. If we make it
simple, we’ll have 6. “6” is a symbol of harmony, beauty and rhythm. The patron
planet is Venus. ‘6’-s are honest, humane creatures. They take great interest
in people. They make good public men though family is of the primal importance
to them. It’s very pleasant to deal with a “6”. They are reserved, charming and
loving, quite pliant, but they may be exasperated as well.
They love perfume, flowers and pretty things. They
love guests.
They are idealists, simple and nonegoistic, always
eager to come to help. It’s very difficult for them to say “No”.
A “6” would make a good doctor, teacher or nurse.
Now, let’s decipher the other name of hers name:
|
4
|
5
|
9
|
9
|
|
N
|
E
|
S
|
Y
|
It’s 27, 2+7=9. “9”-s are loving, philosophic, noble
and mystic. They patron planet is Neptune.
“9”-s are very sensitive and impressionable, they
express love stronger than others. They treat downtrodden, sickmen and oldmen
like close relatives, they are sorry for them. So, they are most humane of all.
Their goal is universal love, kindness and understanding. Besides, it is worth
mentioning that the “9”-s have strange dreams, almost predictive ones.
Not everyone has good relationship with them. Some
adore “9”-s, others hate them (it’s more frequent) for their great ability to
dispense.
If an unmarried “9” is very easily seduced, it is
almost impossible to seduce a married “9”; though they are not ideal wives, for
their whole energy is wasted helping others.
“9”-s usually perform jobs helping people, very often
they are nuns, teachers, nurses…
Their greatest fault is their absent mindedness and
that they waste money. They are very generous and they want money just to
satisfy everyday needs and to help others.
So, I have shown you the picture of Nesy’s character
now and in the past, i.e. the difference between Nesy and Nestani, which less in the level of
dispensation, that has increased.
One more and very important fact is that the patron
planet of her full name – Venus is the symbol of sexual delight and marriage.
And if this planet appears in her horoscope too, she may start to dispense her
favours in physical lifestyle? as well.
Version VI
An amateur
astrologist claims
That Nesy just cannot live in other way, because she
was born in the year of the sensory Pisces the presence of the planets Venus
and Jupiter in her horoscope implies that she is ready to lead sexual life, get
delight and dispense as much as she can. Nesy could have been a good nurse or
nun…
Version VII
An opinion of
the author of the story:
Though the character of my story tells almost
sentimental, beautiful fairy tale about an ugly prostitute with poetic soul,
whose behavior is regarded as goodness, I think that such an attitude towards
these matters is undesirable and a little dangerous as well.
In the beginning Gurami mentions Nesy somewhat
ironically, but there was a hidden respect in this irony and this is the origin
of tendentiousness. Yes, the estimations of Nesy’s personality, made by people
chosen by Gurami are tendentious, I spoke with Gurami about it, and he answered
to me rather roughly: - if I lie, then you’re a liar as well, for I’m a product
of your mind. He laughed and I realized he had caught me red-handed, he had
defeated me with my own ideas. But still I am the author and I have the right
to maintain my own opinion (maybe even subjective) about Nesy: Decipher her
anyway Nesy is a prostitute. She’s an ordinary prostitute, who maybe doesn’t
take money for love, but it is beyond doubt that she is an egoist. As a rule
women like Nesy have been “seduced”, they always seem to be “victims’, but of
course it is just for show. She is a “victim” just because it is suitable for
her to be a victim, because she receives more attention, love and warmth in
this way. She will receive and not give back, like Gurami and others (generally
in sexual relationships men give out from the physiological point of view)!
During the time such women become fortune tellers or
match-makers. They even dare to “victimize” girls and they give them a good
deal of theoretical information as well. They are out to complaining, but in
fact no one can fit material life better than they do.
They are somehow like thieves and merchants. Do not be
impressed by their modest smile and never let them embrace you or you may be
suffocated. Nesy and women like her are a little insane, though Gurami don’t
seem quite sane either.
The only change in our relationship after the whole investigation
was the fact that I began to treat her as if she were ill. In fact she was ill.
She drank and ate in her own, strange way. And she chose the icons to pray to
in the same way. Her dreams were the most strange of all. I used to write them
down and take to my psychologist, which confirmed his versions that Nesy had
got an Electra complex.
Here is one of her most impressive dreams: “I see
barren earth covered with salt. A man is writing something on it with his
finger. He’s smiling. I approach him and tell him that I know him and ask to
take me to the church. He stands up and we get going. On entering the church I
cry out loudly that this man is the king –m that he is Jesus Christ and
I crown him, but the crowd is laughing at me. I’m ashamed, I cry, but I can’t
run. Then I wake up”.
My psychologist’s interpretation of the dream is like
this: the fact that Nesy sees a man with crown in her dreams confirms my
opinion. The man with crown - The king
is the symbol of Father. The earth is the symbol of Nesy’s genitals, herself;
the man (father) writes on it (has sexual intercourse) with his-finger (penis).
But it doesn’t satisfy Nesy, she tries to live with her father openly (desire
to take him to the church), but at the same time she is afraid of it (in this
case the crowd’s mockery is the opposition of her own super ego)!
There is also hidden symbol in the fact that she calls
the man Jesus Christ - in church Nesy prays to Jesus Christ (father).
So, I was sure that she was ill and I felt responsible
to cure her as I had a little knowledge in psychology. First of all I tried to
make her tell me everything she remembered from her childhood. It turned out to
be very easy as Nesy remembered everything from the times she was 5 months old.
I decided to check her memory by hypnotizing her. Nesy fell into hypnotic sleep
very easily. I couldn’t manage to get more information than she had already
told me. So I tried to remove so called “image of father” on somebody else for
her to marry him. Who would I choose? The most suitable candidate was the lame.
But Nesy didn’t want to get married.
-
Why
don’t you get married?
-
I
don’t know! I can’t live with one man only. I must be with everybody or with
nobody.
-
I
can’t understand why… Can’t you get married and live like a normal woman?
-
No,
I can’t, I can’t betray my husband.
-
It’s
just the words. You’re already used to prostitution. You may betray your
husband but the main thing is not to have sex with so many men, or you’ll catch
some disease and…
-
Why
don’t you get married?
-
Why
hurry?! I’m 21 yet!
-
Is
this the reason?
-
Yes!
(a pause) O.K. I haven’t met a proper woman yet.
-
What
kind of woman do you call “proper”?
-
She
must be the most beautiful of all, clever, good at housekeeping. She must love
children and… most important – she must be rich!
-
And
what do you have?
-
Me?!
I’m gifted… I study finance and I’m a potential great businessman, besides…
besides I’ve something nobody else has got…
-
And
what’s this “something”?
-
I
don’t know… but I know there is something in me… I can feel it.
-
You
advise me to get married and are likely to remain a bachelor yourself.
-
No,
I’m not… and you… can’t you see I’m trying to help you.
-
Help
me?... then marry me!
-
No,
I can’t. but what about the lame? He’ll make a good husband. Besides you’re
used to each other… and he’s never jealous!...
Nesy laughed and we never spoke about it any more.
Meanwhile I caught some venereal disease and I avoided seeing Nesy. Here’s how
it happened:
I met my classmate’s wife at a party. She was a pretty
rich and good natured girl. I turned her head and took her to my uncle’s flat,
where I was rewarded with the venereal disease. Nesy was surprised by my
disappearance. We met by chance and she said she missed me. When I told her
about my problem she laughed and said it had happened to me for my great love
of money. Then she made a manganic bath for me, gave me some herbs’ juice made
by her granny, kissed my sperm and cured me.
But in a week I gave up visiting Nesy. Simply I was
bored, I hated her. But I could find neither a job, nor a rich bride, and I
went back to Nesy to spite my anger, grief and material energy out. But I
couldn’t find Nesy. She wasn’t at her place.
a) I bought flowers, food and some drinks. Although I
hated her I was eager to see her. I looked happy as though I was in love. I
pictured in my mind how she would meet me. I wished she was alone. On imagining
that she might be with somebody else I was jealous.
-
I’m
in love, yes, I am!.. Maybe I won’t marry her, but I’ll never love a woman like
this. Oh, Nesy, my poor whore!
If she were out, I would sit on the stairs and wait
for her. She would come very tired and she would notice me only when she came
very close (she walks with her head down). On seeing me she would startle and
cry from happiness. Trembling she would hardly manage to fit the key into the
keyhole. We would enter the room and spend amazing minutes together. She would
be possessed by passions and would say:
-
I
love you, only you and no one else!
I would suggest her to adopt a baby and raise him
together. She would be silent. Then I’d say:
-
No,
I’m not going to marry you. Let’s just have a baby. I’ll have my own family and
you will be with anyone you like – I know, you are “of this kind”!
Nesy would cry and become ugly but I would still love her – because she was
so poor!
So, I went up to fourth floor, knocked and the door
was opened by a man. Suddenly I got furious at myself for my sentimental
thoughts: she’s a whore, an ordinary whore, even though she doesn’t take money
she’s a prostitute! A whore! Angrily pushing the man aside I tried to enter the
room.
-
Hey,
where are you going? – asked the man a little embarrassed.
-
To
worship the Queen! – I bit.
-
Are
you crazy, boy?! Who are you?
-
I
wanna see Nesy!
-
Who’s
Nesy?
-
Who’s
Nesy?! The girl who lives here.
-
I
live here, boy, there’s no Nesy here!
Meanwhile a fat woman came out wondering what was
going on. For a moment I thought I had mixed up the floor. But I hadn’t.
-
Excuse
me, I came to Nesy in this flat. She lived with a lame man, boys visited her
often.
-
When?...
-
It’s
a month since I saw her last.
-
You’re
mistaken. I’ve lived in this flat for six years… and there’s no Nesy in the
neighborhood either.
The address I remembered was right. I doubted
something, handed the flowers and food to the man, and before he realized what
I was doing I burst into the room. The flat wasn’t hers, the rooms were
different.
The woman began shouting, the man was swearing at me I
left the room. It was a horrible day.
b) Valeri called at me and we went to have some beer.
I asked him about Nesy. He looked at me with surprise. I said I hadn’t seen her
for a month. Valeri thought I was joking.
-
I’m
not joking. I want to see her. Does she live in the same flat?
-
Nesy
died.
-
Stop
joking. I’m serious.
-
I’m
serious, too. She died. Didn’t you know?
All the boys are frightened to death. They visit
doctors. She’d been ill. Did you use condoms?
-
No,
I didn’t.
-
Go
to see a doctor as soon as you can!
I went to my uncle’s hospital that very day.
The damned whore!
c) Having failed to find a good job or a rich wife, I
decided to go to Nesy’s.
The lame was looking from the window. He recognized me
at once and shouted to me to buy a bottle of vodka for him. I got angry and ran
up the stairs. The door was open. I went in. There was a terrible smell in the
room. Clothes were scattered on the muddy floor. The lame was sitting in the
kitchen and smoking.
-
Did
you buy me vodka?
Not answering him I went into the bathroom.
-
Where’s
Nesy?
-
Nesy?!..
oh, Ne-sy?! Ha-ha, fuck her!
-
What’s
the matter?
-
Don’t
you know? Huh! She’s gone!
-
But
where?
-
Damned
prostitute!... Rotten whore!.. She entered a convent!...
-
What?!.
A convent?!
-
Yes.
I couldn’t believe but it’s true. She sent me a letter telling she was well.
She wrote she was sorry for having left me alone. But she promised to help me
as much as she could. Imagine… what has she done to me!.. How shall I live
now?.. and my aunt?.. what shall I do? – And he began crying.
-
Stop
complaining! Here, take it… I’ll come one of these days…– and I put all the
money I had on the table – where is she? In which convent?
-
I
don’t know! Please, help me, you are my savor!... I knew you where the only man
who would take care of me and my aunt…
I hardly managed to get rid of him.
Where would I find Nesy? Which convent would I go to?
It was no use looking for her, and I gave up.
-
If
you find her tell her she’ll be punished… bring her to me and then… I know.
I turned to him. He was laughing.
He was lame!
d) I bought flowers, food and her favorite perfume. I
met friends near her house. I told them I was going to Nesy.
-
Which
Nesy? – They asked.
-
She
lives on the fourth floor with a lame.
-
Haven’t
you heard about her?
-
What?
-
She’s
been killed.
I learnt that Nesy had a lover – cop who had a family.
His wife was jealous and lodged a complaint against Nesy. She was arrested and
put into prison. The boys had visited her in the prison several times. In the
prison a woman fell in love with her (she was lame). She had been in prison
twice. She was accused of killing a man. She suggested Nesy to marry her. But
Nesy ignored her and the prisoner killed her out of jealousy.
-
She
stabbed her five times while she was asleep. The whole prison cried. Everybody
was sorry for poor Nesy! Nobody even knew where her grave was.
I gave the flowers to a woman in the street, the
perfume to a neighbor’s child
Nestani.
e) One of these days me and my just married
wife and I were going to a birthday party of a friend. We bought flowers and
went into a booth to buy champagne. There I saw Nesy. She smiled for a moment, but
on seeing my serious face she looked down.
I felt ashamed when we were leaving the booth.
I went back:
-
Nesy
how are you? – I asked.
At first she pretended she couldn’t recognize me.
-
Oh,
it’s you… I haven’t seen you for ages!... you’ve changed so much! Who’s this
pretty girl?.. is she your wife? Have you got children yet?.. what do you do?
Have you found any job?..
and so on.
– She asked me numerous questions to which I answered very briefly, just “yes”
or “No”.
When we
left my wife asked me who she was and I said she was my friend’s wife. She said
she looked like a whore and cast a suspicious eye on me.
I must be
proud of myself – I didn’t even blush!
A Pause
I saw a
dream in train: - Crowd ran up and down the street. Then men came out of the
crowd and stoned the whore. Then they calmed down and left singing. Women added
a stone or two and left. Then, in order not to feel isolated from the crowd, I
threw a little stone in her – already dead body and ran away.
VIII and
the most important change:
I walk barefoot.
Translated by Nino Makalatia.
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